Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
