Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize