so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize