So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
