Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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