I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
