i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
