My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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