new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I just want to make out with him forever
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
