hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
