Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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