exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
