is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Randomize
