Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
