Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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