remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I AM VODKA MAN
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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