She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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