don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize