went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
