Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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