The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
