I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
50% drunk capacity currently
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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