my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
