I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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