is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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