So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
