you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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