OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
