if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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