somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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