at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
