I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
