He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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