Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
