...so i touched it.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
