My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
