Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
