please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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