great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
