Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Randomize
