i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize