I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
