I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize