carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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