omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
