its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
