think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
