What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize