Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
