you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
