Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
