all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
