I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
