I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
