One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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