I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
