remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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