College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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