he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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