Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Randomize
