girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
