I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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