I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
