super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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