Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
