I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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