I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
