I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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