Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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