Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
