I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
